HipsterApproved is off to Portlandia!

portland+postcardIt’s true…HipsterApproved.net is taking in the “scene” in Portland, Oregon. It’s one of the Hipster Capitals of the World!

To prepare…I’ve watched tons of the show Portlandia and have even read the Visitors Guide.portlandia a visitors guide

I’ve even scoured the pages of  PortlandHipster.com which gave me tons of ideas of where to go...including Voodoo Doughnuts (they say the magic is in the hole).

Wish me luck…and I’ll give you a full report in a couple of weeks.

Click to enlarge

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Hip concert…Austin City Limits Music Festival 2013

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"I want to go to there..." ~ HipsterApproved.net

“I want to go to there…” ~ HipsterApproved.net

Welcome Back Phish Phipsters!

This event was just added to the Local Calender:

PhishFall2013Header

Phish
Friday – Sunday, October 18-20

On Sale Thursday, August 8 at 10 am

phish-hampton_comes_alive-frontPhish will perform a trio of consecutive concerts at Hampton Coliseum Friday, October 18, Saturday, October 19, and Sunday, October 20. All shows begin at 7:30 pm and doors open at 6 pm. Parking lots open at 2pm daily. This is the band’s first fall tour since 2010. Known by Phish fans as The Mothership, Hampton Coliseum has a notable role in the band’s history. The five-CD “Hampton Comes Alive” was recorded in the venue and released in 1999. What is more, a decade later Phish launched its reunion concerts on March 6, 7, and 8, 2009 in the venue, following a five-year touring break. Phish has performed 15 times in the Mothership, dating back to 1995.phishsp

A limited number of tickets are available directly at http://tickets.phish.com/. The ticket request period is currently underway and will end Sunday, August 4 at 11:50 pm EST. Tickets will go on sale to the general public Thursday, August 8 at 10 am online at Ticketmaster.com and charge-by-phone at 1-800-745-3000. Tickets will NOT be available at Hampton Coliseum Box office or Ticketmaster Outlet.

phishhomerAdmission:
$65 General Admission; $180 for a 3-day pass
Additional fees may apply.

Hip video…Mating Habits of the North American Hipster

By Neil Hilborn;

“Today, on The Wild Kingdom, we will observe The Mating Habits of the North American Hipster. Look there. Just through those bushes. We can see the hipsters dancing. Watch as they do something called “freaking” to something called “dubstep.” No, that is not other animals mating, it is dubstep. Observe how they keep their faces as relaxed as possible so as to not seem too invested in the activity at hand. The male even produces a pocketwatch from inside of his neon yellow vest. He then goes on Craigslist to search for more pocketwatches. Notice his smartphone case that weighs as much as and resembles a pocketwatch. Remember always the hipster creed: “Why be efficient when you could be inefficient?”

The preliminary mating ritual is now over. Let us follow them back to the filthy hovel in which they will attempt to produce awful, mustachioed babies. Hipster dens are often decorated in trash, and this one is no different: bent bicycle rims and brown paper bags are nailed to every wall. But what is this? The male is continuing his disinterested facade? He is…he is sitting down to his typewriter! Extraordinary! Now he is taking an Instagram photograph of himself, at his typewriter, blatantly ignoring the half-naked female in the background! In retaliation the female is using his straight razor to shave her pubic hair into what she is calling her pusstache. Or perhaps her muffin chops. Now she is taking her Macbook, and his Macbook, and her other Macbook, and her book on Macbooks, and arranging them in a circle. The male deems this an acceptable mating habitat, and amidst the Apple products, he mounts her—indifferently—but not before setting his Deguerrotype camera to take a silver nitrate photograph of them humping. Slooooooowly. Remember always the hipster ideal: if you base your life around your possessions, make sure they are bizarre, inconvenient, and obsolete, for then no one can accuse you of being shallow.

Dear viewer, you may laugh at the noble hipster, but consider this: he has a fixed-gear bicycle, you have a Lexus. You drink top shelf liquor, he drinks PBR at bars where it costs ten dollars. You have a diamond ring, she has a tattoo of a diamond ring. Next to her vagina. Indeed, the hipster may be an asshole materialist, but at least he warns you with his uncomfortable shoes made of vegan alligator skin and good intentions. No, dear viewer, I would posit to you that the North American Hipster is just like us, only…sillier.”

Hip CraigsList ad…Fixie bike

Fixie single: Look like Lincoln Park. Ride like Wicker Park – $300 (Bucktown)

Oh yeah.You’re a Lincoln Park/Lakeview bro.

Your abs are courtesy of crossfit and your dimpled smile is courtesy of God’s good grace. You pull wool at Sheffield Garden Walk, Epic, State, Castaways, and the bleachers like a motherfucking sheep herder. Shit, last month alone you notched each school in the Big 10 (except Northwestern, of course) and three chicks from Miami (Ohio, of course). The posse calls you ‘The Machine’. You drive a Range Rover that may or may not be paid for by your dad/trust fund. You’re the fucking man.

Right?

Then why are you so. . .. lost? Empty? And dare I say. . . unhappy?

Because inside that chiseled cover boy of privilege exterior, you’re a fucking hipster.

There. It’s out there. You’re a hipster.

Instead of chasing tail at McGee’s on Thursday night, you’d rather be at Handlebar with two thin mustached gentlemen who eschew deodorant and a chunky with a bull ring discussing who sold out after Pitchfork in 2009 or what cassette you just picked up at Bric a Brac Records or the goddamn line at Danny’s on Saturday, all while squeezed into a pair of skinny jeans so tight your balls are at DEFCON 5.

Yeah.

That’s right. I know.

It’s that fucking transparent, bro.

Relax. Your secret is safe with me. Word is bond. Life is what life is. I mean, it’s not like you’re going to get an outpouring of support for coming out like Jason Collins. Right? I get it.

So, after all that overwritten preamble, here’s the deal: I have something that’s going to save your hipster soul.

Yes.

Something that will allow you to free your inner hipster right smack dab in the middle of North Avenue Beach, and none of the those honies who work as assistant account coordinators at Ketchum on Kleenex will ever suspect a thing.

How?

Meet Orange Crush –

– a single speed masterpiece of orange, matte black, and tasteful touches of chrome.

A customized XL kit bike from NYCB with bull bars, it’s completely unbranded save for its accoutrements (tires, rims, carbon fiber fork, seat, and the like).

It’s the only fixie in the city that scores major hipster cred yet STILL will look great hanging on the exposed brick wall of your River North loft.

Take it to six corners , and you’ll get “nice bike” from every tattooed lad and lass wearing a ridiculous Danny Ferry Atlanta Hawks jersey and painter’s cap combo you see. And each and every Lululemon cashier chick you score at Paris Club will say the same thing as you escort her through your pad and back to where the “magic happens”.

For reals.

So, let’s make a deal. You need to let your inner hipster loose a little before you go postal, and I gotta pay my fucking nanny.

300 bucks. Boom. Done. See you in the PlayPen.

P.S.: Shorties and Napoleonic Complexes need not apply – this bike is an XL frame. Come long and strong, or don’t come at all. Ain’t got the time to watch any of you custom-hemmed jeans types try to touch the pedals.

[reposted by request – bike has been sold]